Slowly Going Bald

"Look, we're gonna spend half the night driving around the Hills looking for this one party, and you're gonna say it sucks, and we're all gonna leave and we're gonna go look for this other party. But all the parties and all the bars, they all suck. I spend half the night talking to some girl who's looking around the room to see if there's someone who's more important she should be talking to, and it's like I'm supposed to be all happy 'cause she's wearing a backpack."

Thursday, October 27, 2005

Interesting Excerpts From The Company-Wide Sexual Harassment E-Mail

"Most claims of sexual harassment are actually just whining from people who can't go with the flow."

"Exchanging sexual favors for increased job benefits isn't necessarily harassment. Check with HR."

"It's important to prevent workplace harassment. Women, you can take the first step in this area by maybe not dressing so hot, so your fine bodies don't distract the men from working."

"Sexual harassment is definitely illegal, but ethnic slurs are still a gray area."

"When did 'assistant' replace 'secretary'? That's just weird."

"Don't forget, there's a 24-hour hotline for legal advice: 1-800-GROW-UP. Ha ha, I'm just kidding. There is no hotline."

"Non-employees are legally exempt from our harassment policies. Basically, this means you need to avoid Luis, the parking attendant. Just a word of caution."

"Don't forget, fellas: Sometimes 'no' means 'yes.' "

4 Comments:

I just got that memo at my new job. I love working for Bill Clinton. Who says presidents can't have fun?

By Master Baron Von Tuckenstein the First Esquire, at 2:39 PM, October 27, 2005

Tell me about it. You think you're having fun now, you should work for the new guy they've got. That way you could f*** up the country AND your religion at the same time. America's great.

By Dan Carlson, at 3:08 PM, October 27, 2005

OH! Those are the rules. Maybe that's where I went wrong....humph.

By Anonymous, at 10:07 AM, October 28, 2005

My company just did sexual harassment training and that sounds like what people in my office would say. That training has put sex on the brain and made everyone more sex obsessed then they already were. Thanks Arnold!

By tambal, at 11:29 AM, October 30, 2005

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: Name: Dan Carlson; Location: Houston, Texas, United States

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...a stone, a leaf, an unfound door; of a stone, a leaf, a door. And of all the forgotten faces....

O waste of loss, in the hot mazes, lost, among bright stars on this most weary unbright cinder, lost! Remembering speechlessly we seek the great forgotten language, the lost lane-end into heaven, a stone, a leaf, an unfound door. Where? When?

O lost, and by the wind grieved, ghost, come back again.

--Look Homeward, Angel

Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives.

--John Stuart Mill

We have all read in scientific books, and indeed, in all romances, the story of the man who has forgotten his name. This man walks about the streets and can see and appreciate everything; only he cannot remember who he is. Well, every man is that man in the story. Every man has forgotten who he is. One may understand the cosmos, but never the ego; the self is more distant than any star. Thou shalt love the Lord thy God; but thou shalt not know thyself. We are all under the same mental calamity; we have all forgotten our names. We have all forgotten what we really are. All that we call common sense and rationality and practicality and positivism only means that for certain dead levels of our life we forget that we have forgotten. All that we call spirit and art and ecstasy only means that for one awful instant we remember that we forget.

--G.K. Chesterton

We were, for the briefest of moments, something greater than the sum of our uncertain parts; we were youth itself, in all its painful glory and sharp joy.

--August Van Zorn

There is a time in the lives of most writers when they are vulnerable, when the vivid dreams and ambitions of childhood seem to pale in the harsh sunlight of what we call the real world. In short, there's a time when things can go either way.

--Stephen King

Film lovers are sick people.

--Francois Truffaut

Slowly Going Bald

Thursday, October 27, 2005

Interesting Excerpts From The Company-Wide Sexual Harassment E-Mail

4 Comments:

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