Notes I Took At My Department Meeting, 3.22.05

"Brainstorming" is such a stupid word.

The department head, Kim, just used the phrase "automated/data/web/interfacey kind of stuff" in reference to our computer system. She used her hands during this, as if her vague gestures would help us understand.

Is it wrong to pray for the spontaneous outbreak of a small fire?

There's a higher-up named Steve Martin, and every time he gets mentioned I feel a lift in my spirits and wonder if Steve Martin decided to quit comedy and work in academic publishing. But it's not the same guy.

Names of desktop color samples in an office furniture catalog: Rhinestone Cowboy, Pearl of the Orient, Gateway to the Future, and, I swear, Graveyard of the Atlantic. This transcends brilliance, and will probably be the high point of my time here at the company.

Joyce looks homeless, I mean seriously without residence or legal tender or shampoo. She's got to be at least 68. She should be down at the bus stop telling strangers about her cat, Mr. Sparkles Fantastic, not here in my office, walking all over my will to live with her orthopedic shoes and gnarled yellow hands.

We're currently discussing the height of our cubicle walls, whether this should be changed, if so should it be higher or lower, etc. Literally no worse way to spend these minutes.

These chips are stale. One snack plate a month, and it's shot. Awesome.

I'm the only man in the room who didn't fill out a bracket. I still think somebody made up Gonzaga. Nothing like a little awkward conversation to kick off a meeting.

These chairs are comfortable.