Notes From My Department Meeting, 6.14.05

A woman is brought in to explain how to use our new office chairs. (1) Who actually needs help figuring out how to sit down? (2) Why is this woman so nervous and out of breath? She's got the easiest job in the world: telling employees how to use chairs. "You just sit down in it. Don't lean too far forward or you'll fall out. Okay, I'm going on break."

Two men from another supply company give us the rundown on how to use the new arms on which our computer monitors are mounted. One of them refers to either himself or their team (hard to tell, I'm not really listening) as MacGyver. Joke bombs.

Joyce again announces her intent to use the men's restroom if the women's room is occupied. If I ever walk in on that, I'll drive straight home and kill myself in the slowest, meanest way possible.

June birthdays are announced, including mine. They're going to sing for me in two weeks. I'm getting really bad at looking surprised and enthused at the office.

Complaints of elevated temperature in the room end the meeting 10 minutes early. I'm not hot at all, so maybe the complaints had more to do with the predominantly middle-aged women in the room than the thermostat.

The company picnic is this Saturday. A lobotomy and a toddler and I'd be the perfect attendee.