Just minutes after Satan issued a press release saying he was feeling a little chilly, President Bush issued an apology and took full responsibility for the government's inept handling and slow response to the catastrophe in Ira-- sorry, the catastrophe in the Gulf States following the devastation of Hurricane Katrina. "To the extent that the federal government didn't fully do its job right, I take responsibility. I want to know what went right and what went wrong," Bush said the other day.
Stepping in for the president to fulfill the Republican party's requisite daily serving of double-speak and b.s., Sen. Tom Coburn, R-Okla., spoke at the confirmation hearings for Supreme Court nominee John Roberts by issuing a call for Americans to put away partisan politics. Coburn even got a little misty when he was talking, which people agreed didn't so much help his credibility as make him look a little bit like a tool. "When I ponder our country and its greatness, its weakness, its potential, my heart aches for less divisiveness, less polarization, less finger-pointing, less bitterness, less mindless partisanship," Coburn said.
Other Coburn chestnuts from past speaking appearances include:
"Lesbianism is so rampant in some of the schools in southeast Oklahoma that they'll only let one girl go to the bathroom. Now think about it. Think about that issue. How is it that that's happened to us?"
And from the spring of 2004: "The gay community has infiltrated the very centers of power in every area across this country, and they wield extreme power. ... That agenda is the greatest threat to our freedom that we face today. Why do you think we see the rationalization for abortion and multiple sexual partners? That's a gay agenda." [Emphasis mine, crazy-ass statement his.]
When reached for comment, leaders of the gay community said their current agenda only has items along the lines of picking up the dry cleaning, maybe some chicken for dinner, but to check back later. Acting as the greatest threat to Americans' freedom, however, doesn't look likely to make the list. Upon hearing that apparently the gay community was now the No. 1 threat to Americans' safety, both Osama bin Laden and Kim Jong Il decided to call it quits.
