Soy Un Cacahuete

In a sad turn of events, a young girl has died from an allergic reaction to kissing her boyfriend. Peanuts were deadly to the girl, and her boyfriend had just eaten a peant-based snack.

In his defense, her boyfriend, Mr. Peanut, said she asked for it. "She loved going further and further, physically, you know?" the Planters spokesman explained to a press conference with a tremble in his voice, the salt on his skin quickly wicking away his lonely tears. "She always said she'd know when she got too close to the edge, that she'd know when to stop. She liked it when I called her 'choosy mom' while we were, you know..." Consumed with grief and empty calories, he promptly threw himself onto the light stand of a local TV crew. Attempts to quell the minor blaze or rescue Mr. Peanut were slowed when members of the press corps, who hadn't eaten in a while, began to devour his roasted body.