Slowly Going Bald

"Look, we're gonna spend half the night driving around the Hills looking for this one party, and you're gonna say it sucks, and we're all gonna leave and we're gonna go look for this other party. But all the parties and all the bars, they all suck. I spend half the night talking to some girl who's looking around the room to see if there's someone who's more important she should be talking to, and it's like I'm supposed to be all happy 'cause she's wearing a backpack."

Sunday, November 27, 2005

This Just In (Kind Of)

All those classic cars can't help Mr. Miyagi now:

The old guy's gone.

Doctors at the scene tried that clap and massage thing that pulled Daniel-san back from the edge, but to no avail. The master would crane kick no more.

Ralph Macchio and Elisabeth Shue better be at that funeral. And Al Molinaro, too.

Additionally, a Texas woman was mauled to death by half a dozen dogs over the weekend. Wal-Mart has apologized for the store's contributory negligence, and has since removed all bacon-based underwear and other meat-fabricated garments from its shelves.

"They were a good bargain while they lasted," said a company spokesman. "Is it food? Is it clothes? It's both. That's the kind of forward thinking we encourage here at Wal-Mart."

[UPDATE 12/1]
Not to be outdone by a pack of dogs, a British coalition of squirrels has banded together to fight back.

11 Comments:

My goal is to be a professional blog critic.

By My Daily Struggles, at 12:21 PM, November 27, 2005

Don't forget a young Hillary Swank. She owes him for that whole arrow catching thing.
-Jon.

By Anonymous, at 12:32 PM, November 27, 2005

Jesus, Daniel, do you live on the internet? I work for a paper that covers Thorndale, and I didn't even know about the mauling until I read your blog.

By Anonymous, at 1:45 PM, November 27, 2005

The perks of working on Sundays.

Plus, the words "mauled to death" tend to catch the eye, although it's not suprising that it happened in Texas. I think it only could have happened there.

By Dan Carlson, at 1:55 PM, November 27, 2005

Au contraire. Earlier I googled "woman mauled by dog" and this storyabout a lesbian who was mauled in San Fransisco was the first result.

But in a way, I guess you are right.

By Anonymous, at 7:22 PM, November 27, 2005

I guess this mauling epidemic could be more serious than we'd first imagined.

Still, it's an awfully Texan story. The Thorndale woman was on a riding mower when it happened; now that's comedy.

By Dan Carlson, at 7:32 PM, November 27, 2005

definitely a sad day for all of us karate kid fans. if elizabeth shue is there then i might have to make it to the funeral...

By Cody Blair, at 8:48 AM, November 28, 2005

If she's there, I plan on tossing highball glasses six feet in the air and whisking her off to Jamaica, where she will realize the errors of her father's ways.

By Dan Carlson, at 12:01 PM, November 28, 2005

Anyone make it out to the "maul" on Black Friday? Ha Ha.

Seriously, though, that story is trippy.

By Steve, at 2:07 PM, November 28, 2005

Saying that a woman being chewed to death by a pack of dogs is "comedy" strikes me as a tad morbid.

By Cody, at 3:10 PM, December 03, 2005

If you really looked closely, you could see that those little shits (the squirrels) have evil faces. Im not surprised. But I'm laughing!

By Unknown, at 5:21 PM, December 03, 2005

Post a Comment

: Name: Dan Carlson; Location: Houston, Texas, United States

View my complete profile

...a stone, a leaf, an unfound door; of a stone, a leaf, a door. And of all the forgotten faces....

O waste of loss, in the hot mazes, lost, among bright stars on this most weary unbright cinder, lost! Remembering speechlessly we seek the great forgotten language, the lost lane-end into heaven, a stone, a leaf, an unfound door. Where? When?

O lost, and by the wind grieved, ghost, come back again.

--Look Homeward, Angel

Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives.

--John Stuart Mill

We have all read in scientific books, and indeed, in all romances, the story of the man who has forgotten his name. This man walks about the streets and can see and appreciate everything; only he cannot remember who he is. Well, every man is that man in the story. Every man has forgotten who he is. One may understand the cosmos, but never the ego; the self is more distant than any star. Thou shalt love the Lord thy God; but thou shalt not know thyself. We are all under the same mental calamity; we have all forgotten our names. We have all forgotten what we really are. All that we call common sense and rationality and practicality and positivism only means that for certain dead levels of our life we forget that we have forgotten. All that we call spirit and art and ecstasy only means that for one awful instant we remember that we forget.

--G.K. Chesterton

We were, for the briefest of moments, something greater than the sum of our uncertain parts; we were youth itself, in all its painful glory and sharp joy.

--August Van Zorn

There is a time in the lives of most writers when they are vulnerable, when the vivid dreams and ambitions of childhood seem to pale in the harsh sunlight of what we call the real world. In short, there's a time when things can go either way.

--Stephen King

Film lovers are sick people.

--Francois Truffaut

Slowly Going Bald

Sunday, November 27, 2005

This Just In (Kind Of)

11 Comments:

About Me

Previous Posts