Christian Apparel: For When You're Tired Of Being Nice To People And Want To Give Them The Impression That The Church Is Full Of Arrogant Jackasses
Step right up, get 'em while they're hot. If kindness and love aren't working, turn on the smug superiority. [I'm sure there's a verse about it somewhere, maybe toward the back.]
Tired of having to reason with people? No worries! We've got your t-shirt comparing abortion rights with the Holocaust
right here. Murderiffic!
What's that you say? You'd like to frighten people into believing like you do? Then try
this one on for size! Nothing counteracts compassion like a heaping helping of sulfur and brimstone!
What's that, sir? You want something that shows your unequivocal support for unilateral invasions around the globe wherever our best interests or slightest whims may take us? Then you, sir, need to
slip into this stunner and let the neighborhood know you won't be doing any thinking of your own any time soon!
And finally, for when you want to just turn people completely away from the notion of a loving God:
this always works.
In conclusion, thank you for shopping at HZN, the Home Zealots Network. Feel free to contact us anytime via phone, fax, email or pipe-bomb. Haha, just kidding about that last one, folks! But seriously, you should only bomb the heathens and unbelievers who really deserve it, like single mothers and ethnic minorities.
See you next week!
[Paid for (probably) by Pat Robertson and John Hagee.]
4 Comments:
It is when I go to sites like that when I start to sympathize with the Muslims who try to tell people not everyone in their religion is a terrorist. "We are not all radicals" they say. The world still doesn't want to fly with them.
Luckily instead limiting themselves to physical terror, Christian radicals feel that there is an open palate of strongarm tactics. So the world just keeps closing their hearts to our message. Awesome.
I want to go throw up.
I think that I used up most of my words for this yesterday. I am glad that I am aware that this isn't representative of Christianity, because if I weren't, I don't think I'd like Christianity much at all.
Tucker,
Interestingly, I find myself sympathizing with Muslims who try to tell people that not everyone in their religion is a terrorist when I think about the fact that they are right. Especially when they point out that Islam advocates peace, all of the Abrahamic faiths do.
Are you still in France? If so, see if you can find a film called Brothers and Others, it was released in 2002 by Baraka Productions and was directed by Nicolas Rossier (he's French).
I sat next to an Iranian man on the plane today. He's Muslim, though not Arab (as he's Iranian and thus Persian), but most people would probably assume that he was. I wasn't particularly concerned about flying with him, in fact, it didn't cross my mind to be concerned. But, then again, I'm not the world. (Though I think it is important to note that by saying "the world doesn't want to fly with them," there is an implication that aren't part of that world, which isn't really the case.) I probably also wouldn't have wanted to spend much time with or fly with McVeigh, and I'm certainly not interested in allowing my uterus anywhere near John Ashcroft, but those seem like silly reasons to distrust Americans. At least to me, it seems silly to base judgements of an entire religious or ethnic group off of the actions of individuals (see note about Christians at top), but what would I know? I'm just a white, pro-choice, middle class, pseudo-hippie Jew.
And thanks for both of your comments, they were definitely appreciated.
Dan, I love all the sarcasm. It feels good, even if the right doesn't give a damn.
Some of my personal faves:
"What God told Moses about abortion: Thou shalt not kill" I think he said something similar about the death penalty and invading other nations...
"Get Stoned like Paul" I want to wear this one to school next week. (side note: Paul's this kid in my third period who sleeps a lot and likes Bob Marley.)
"What's the greatest nation on Earth? The INcarnation" Uh-oh! somebody's on fire!
This one! What the...? Did they just...? Was that a...? What the eff is their problem, anyway? I don't even have a joke for this one. I am actually offended, which is hard to do.
And the list goes on. Thanks, Dan
I completely agree with you that those shirts are ridiculous. But I think by laying the sarcasm on thick like that you are playing the same game the right is. No conservative will be persuaded that wearing one of those shirts is wrong, and you'll just be preaching to the choir.
My roomate told me of a Church that had "Stop drop and roll won't work in hell" written on their marquee.
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