Slowly Going Bald

"Look, we're gonna spend half the night driving around the Hills looking for this one party, and you're gonna say it sucks, and we're all gonna leave and we're gonna go look for this other party. But all the parties and all the bars, they all suck. I spend half the night talking to some girl who's looking around the room to see if there's someone who's more important she should be talking to, and it's like I'm supposed to be all happy 'cause she's wearing a backpack."

Friday, July 01, 2005

A List Of Life Changes, Or Resolutions, To Be Carried Out This Summer In Order To Ensure Happiness, Or At Least A Lack Of Boredom, In My 24th Year

1. Grow muttonchops. Like, serious, hardcore, Allman Brothers ones.

2. Start slipping out of department meetings. When asked about my leaving, say it's because I have "to take a deuce."

3. Learn a few magic tricks.

4. Forget about #3 when I realize it makes me look kind of gay.

5. Apologize to any gay magicians I offended in #4.

6. In response to cleavage at the office, begin showing up to work with fly unzipped. Act coy and suprised when (inevitably) questioned.

7. Try to get Mormon boss to convert me.

8. Learn terms like "full-court press." Enjoy newfound acceptance among males in my social circle.

9. Kiss acceptance from #8 goodbye when I tell them I own The English Patient.

10. Come up with new ways to be sent to HR for refresher course in sexual harassment training. Molest fax machine?

11. Start speling things funeticly like evreewun els on the internet.

1 Comments:

My comment on #2. This has worked for me in many a facutly meeting, my friend. Theatre teacher's don't give two rats about standardized testing, and therefore the gurgles come a calling at very conveniant times. Make sure to drink some coffee and eat your bran. This way you're down for a good 20-30.

It's been my experience that Mormon's who aren't on thier mission trip don't care to convert anyone. I think the mindset is, "hey, I turn over like half my paycheck so that I don't have to mess with this crap." An "I paid my dues" mindset.

By Kyle, at 3:29 PM, July 02, 2005

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: Name: Dan Carlson; Location: Houston, Texas, United States

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...a stone, a leaf, an unfound door; of a stone, a leaf, a door. And of all the forgotten faces....

O waste of loss, in the hot mazes, lost, among bright stars on this most weary unbright cinder, lost! Remembering speechlessly we seek the great forgotten language, the lost lane-end into heaven, a stone, a leaf, an unfound door. Where? When?

O lost, and by the wind grieved, ghost, come back again.

--Look Homeward, Angel

Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives.

--John Stuart Mill

We have all read in scientific books, and indeed, in all romances, the story of the man who has forgotten his name. This man walks about the streets and can see and appreciate everything; only he cannot remember who he is. Well, every man is that man in the story. Every man has forgotten who he is. One may understand the cosmos, but never the ego; the self is more distant than any star. Thou shalt love the Lord thy God; but thou shalt not know thyself. We are all under the same mental calamity; we have all forgotten our names. We have all forgotten what we really are. All that we call common sense and rationality and practicality and positivism only means that for certain dead levels of our life we forget that we have forgotten. All that we call spirit and art and ecstasy only means that for one awful instant we remember that we forget.

--G.K. Chesterton

We were, for the briefest of moments, something greater than the sum of our uncertain parts; we were youth itself, in all its painful glory and sharp joy.

--August Van Zorn

There is a time in the lives of most writers when they are vulnerable, when the vivid dreams and ambitions of childhood seem to pale in the harsh sunlight of what we call the real world. In short, there's a time when things can go either way.

--Stephen King

Film lovers are sick people.

--Francois Truffaut

Slowly Going Bald

Friday, July 01, 2005

A List Of Life Changes, Or Resolutions, To Be Carried Out This Summer In Order To Ensure Happiness, Or At Least A Lack Of Boredom, In My 24th Year

1 Comments:

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